


Dancing in the Dark

by chocoholicannanymous



Series: Dance 'verse [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Finding your way, Gen, Not Rachel Friendly, Original Character(s), not for the klaint of heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-15 04:38:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4593126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocoholicannanymous/pseuds/chocoholicannanymous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After leaving Lima behind Kurt needs to find his footing again, and figure out where he wants to go next. That's harder than it sounds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Obsessivecompulsivereadr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsessivecompulsivereadr/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee, nor would I care to with the way the show and the characters were ruined.  
> Always and forever for my darling ocr, without whom all this would probably still just be ~3000 words hidden in my outlines folder.

_Well, I'm definitely not in Ohio any more._

 

Toronto was...overwhelming. For a small town boy used to his surroundings being bland, boring and conforming, it was an experience – practically an assault on all senses.

Kurt loved it.

Waking up the first morning had been strange, and disorientating. It had been a long time since he woke up anywhere except his own bed, and even longer since he'd woken up somewhere not his or Blaine's bed. Not that he'd woken up at Blaine's that often – not even half a dozen times in close to a year together – because apparently Mr Anderson found it less distasteful for Blaine to spend the night elsewhere than for him to have his boyfriend over.

So waking up and not recognizing the bed underneath him, nor the ceiling above, nor anything else... Well. Kurt might have freaked out just a little. And then he'd proceeded to freak out a little more, but for a completely different reason. Because seeing Dave walk around the tiny apartment in jeans and a tank top, with stubborn water drops clinging to his hair and neck? It **did** things to Kurt.

(And truth be told he wasn't too comfortable walking around in his pajamas in front of David, said things aside. He had heard too many jibes about his body over the years to not be self-conscious about being seen without his clothing slash armor.)

Still. Kurt'd gotten used to sharing a house with Finn, and he'd get used to sharing this space with David. Or as used to it as he could, and needed, considering this wasn't meant to be a long term arrangement.

The first weekend mostly consisted of what they jokingly referred to as “basic orientation”; David acting as tour guide and showing Kurt the neighborhood and the more important places in the city. The rest Kurt was left to discover on his own, and it was a challenge he felt more than up for.

One place caught Kurt's attention more than any other though: the Village. The **Gay** Village.

Finding the Village was like finding a piece of heaven on earth for someone like Kurt. He'd heard about the LGBT “community” so many times, had read about how being part of that community had enriched people's lives, had saved them, and how awesome it was to have friends who were like you. But for Kurt the community had always been an abstract concept. Being gay in Lima was **lonely**. Sure, he'd always known about the Berrys, and during his senior year there had been four of them at school, with the additional knowledge of Scandals, but Kurt had still felt very much alone.

When walking through the Village, for the first time Kurt understood the concept of the LGBT community – for the first time he felt as if he could be a part of it.

It was a heady experience, and one he never ever wanted to let go off.

 

Kurt had gotten a new cell phone number when arriving in Toronto, but still had the SIM card for his old one tucked away. He was going to cancel it later, but for the time being he simply wanted to see what the fallout of him leaving Lima the way he had would be. And, of course, see if any of his friends still deserved that title. He was certain that sooner or later his messages would be full of Rachel and Blaine bitching, but part of him hoped that there would be something from Mercedes as well, some small attempt of reconciliation.

Mercedes had been the most important person in his life – besides his father – for a long time, and even when they'd both made more friends and drifted somewhat apart she'd remained a pillar of strength for Kurt. Having her so firmly on Blaine's, and Rachel's, side had hurt more than with any of the others, and Kurt simply wasn't ready to lose her.

He was as much hoping for a message from her, as he was fearing there wouldn't be one. Of course, there was always the possibility that Mercedes was expecting him to show up at graduation, and that she thought they would still have time to sort things out in person.

Or maybe she just didn't care. Maybe she had given up on him, like – or so it felt – everyone else, after he'd left Glee. And so Kurt simply forewent checking his messages. As long as he didn't check, he could always hope.

What finally pushed him into action was a call from his dad. Burt Hummel had attended McKinley's graduation ceremony, and then he'd taken matters into his own hands. The result sent Kurt reeling.

Finn wasn't going to go through with the wedding? Was going to break things off with Rachel completely? For **Kurt's** sake?

“Of course he will. That boy is your brother, Kurt, and he understands that family comes first. Once he found out what she did, there was no way he was going to stay with her. Not when it meant running the risk of losing you.”

Kurt held back a sob. What Finn had just done... It wasn't enough to completely erase all the hurts of the past months, no, but it went a long way.

“So, now what? I mean, Rachel's going to go berserk when he tells her.”

“Weeeell... He's not going to. Apparently he feels Rachel doesn't deserve that courtesy, with how she's behaved like a spoiled jealous brat – and yes, that's a quote – and thinks she should get some of what she's so willing to dish out.

“Finn's going to go back to Washington with me, and Carole, and he'll be staying there for a while. Maybe for a few weeks, maybe for the whole summer. Maybe longer. We're not exactly clear on the details right now, we just want to get the hell out of Dodge before anything else happens. You know?”

Yeah, Kurt knew. It was the same way he'd felt when leaving Lima. He'd been so focused on getting away that he hadn't stopped to think about his next step. David had agreed to letting him stay for a week or two, but after that? Kurt had no clue.

“By the way, I have something for you, from one of your friends. I'm going to check it over first, then drop it in the mail for you.

“Lauren Zizes, who was in Glee with you guys last year? Well, she stopped me at the school earlier today and handed over a flash drive. Apparently she was recording performances, and thought you should have a copy of yours. Now, I'm still going to have someone check it for viruses and such, but I really think she meant to do something nice.”

Kurt felt his heart skip a beat. Someone had actually reached out to him. So it wasn't one of the people he'd thought himself closest to, but that mattered less than the fact that it had happened. Besides, he kind of trusted that kind of gesture from Lauren more than anything from one of the others there and then.

“Yeah, I don't think she'd do that to me either, but better safe than sorry. I'm going to have to find a way to thank her.”

It might have to wait until she was at college, but never let it be said that Kurt Hummel didn't pay his debts. Or, for that matter, appreciated those who stood by him.

Speaking of...

“How is Finn feeling? I can't imagine how it must be for him.”

“Yeah, he's... He's doing better than I would have thought, all things considered, but he's hurting like hell. Can't say I blame him. I might not be too fond of Rachel Berry, not even before this, but I do know Finn loved her. Still does, really. So it's going to be hard on him, which is why I want us to stay together for a while.”

And yes, that was probably a good idea. A hurt Finn was never the most rational of beings – left to his own devices he might do something crazy, like return to his enlistment plans, or worse: go back to Rachel. Finn had so much potential, and Kurt just knew that getting out of Lima and getting some serious support could get his brother on the right path. If he ignored the reasons why, then what was happening might just be the best thing to happen to Finn in a long time.

(And wasn't that just sad, that it was a **good** thing for Finn to have his heart and his illusions stomped all over?)

 

After the call ended Kurt stared at his phone for several long minutes. He even went as far as to turn it off, and take out his old SIM in order to switch them. In the end he decided to wait. If Rachel truly was going to be left at the altar, jilted, then there would be a ton of messages coming in the next day, and Kurt simply couldn't imagine mustering up the energy to deal with Lima crap two days in a row.

And so he waited.

Sunday morning saw Kurt, steely spine and clenched jaw, go through nearly 50 text messages and voice mails.

Most of the messages, of course, were from Rachel. They went from honey, words meant to make him bend his neck and do as she wanted, to pure vitriol, aiming for the jugular.

Kurt took note of it all, even choosing to save the messages just in case, and then moved on. Moved on to Blaine and Tina, their messages delusional and quickly deleted; to Puck, of all people, being supportive; to Sebastian, being grateful and making promises. Brittany's rambling made no sense, but at least made him laugh for a few seconds. The lighter feeling balanced out the shock of hearing the next voice.

“Mr Hummel, this is Carmen Tibideaux.”

Kurt listened to her message, almost numb with first the shock and then the rising anger. It was only years of practice that kept him from throwing his phone into the wall afterwards.

It was her “pleasure” to tell him he would be allowed at NYADA after all? After hurting him, humiliating him – after practically spitting him in the face – and that was what he got? Her “pleasure”?

_Well, **fuck** her, and fuck her pleasure._

 

_~ TBC ~_


	2. Chapter 2

By the time David walked through the door at lunch time Kurt's anger had gone from fiery hot, willing to devour everything in sight, to cold and calculated– no less willing to destroy everything in his way, but ready to plan in order to strike where it would hurt the most instead of the first place that presented itself.

“Kurt? No offense, but you have that scary look again. Do I need to find you an alibi or a lawyer?”

There was some humor in David's voice, enough to pull the corners of Kurt's mouth a tiny bit upwards, but there was genuine worry as well. _He's a good friend – unlike certain others._

“No alibi needed – for now. And I'm honestly not sure a lawyer would do any good, but if I do need one I think my dad'll handle that part. I haven't killed anyone, if that's what you're asking, and I'm not going to, though I have to admit it **is** kind of tempting. I think I'll settle for making a dinner that needs lots of chopping though. Lots and lots of chopping.”

“Oooookay. So what happened?”

Kurt told the story while trying to keep a tight reign on his temper. It worked until he reached the end.

“And do you know what **really** pisses me off? She called me Wednesday. Now, Miss Pillsbury wouldn't have talked to her until Monday at the earliest, not if she listened to me, and that means Madame Tibideaux called me pretty much straight away.

“One phone call. That's all it took for me to suddenly have a spot at NYADA. One god-dammed call. So why didn't she make that call herself? How hard could it have been to actually check her facts before trashing someone's dreams? Huh?”

Kurt clenched and unclenched his hands, in an attempt to stop himself to lash out. He was full of rage and hurt, and lashing out would feel good – if only temporary – but it wasn't fair to David. None of this mess was his fault.

“And speaking of trashing, they 're-evaluated' my application? Like, what the hell? But do you know what makes me the angriest? She didn't apologize. She found out she'd made a decision based on lies, that she rejected me not because I wasn't good enough but because she allowed Rachel and Mr Schue to fill her head with garbage, and not a single word of apology.

“Nothing. Just empty platitudes about how it was a 'pleasure' to inform me that I'd been accepted after all. Like what she did to me didn't matter. Like **I** didn't matter.”

And that was the crux. Carmen Tibideaux had rejected him, yes, but she'd done even worse. In her own way she'd treated him the same way his bullies had – like he was trash, and as if nothing done to him was worth an apology. No, she'd actually treated him **worse** than those bullies. Because David had been one of them, as had Finn and Puck, and all three of them had managed to apologize. Not so Carmen Tibideaux.

Kurt swallowed around the lump in his throat and swore he couldn't taste tears.

“The thought of taking her offer, with no apology... If I do that, then that's me condoning her behavior. That's me saying that she doesn't need to apologize, because what she did was okay, or at least not so bad. That's like me saying I don't deserve an apology. And when I think about doing that, about saying that, that, that...” He shut his mouth quickly, biting down on the words and almost his tongue.

He could still hear them echoing inside though. _“That I never should have crawled out of the dumpster at McKinley, that maybe that's where I belong.”_ Kurt knew that his old insecurities hadn't gone away, maybe never would, and wasn't really surprised that they were raising their ugly collective head right then. He had after all spent years listening to people telling him how he was worthless, how he'd never amount to anything, how no one would ever want him – romantically and professionally – and been literally treated like trash.

Carmen Tibideaux's behavior might not have been as bad (in a way – in other ways it had been much, much worse) but it tied in much too seamlessly with Kurt's issues and helped create a new version of the awful loop he spent every day trying to break out of.

Kurt glanced over at David and met a wide-eyed, worried look, and realized it was for him. David was worried about him. As he opened his mouth to assure his friend that it was unnecessary, that he was fine, really, Kurt noticed that he was shaking. Not just his hands, but his entire body.

_Oh. Not so fine after all._

And then he was swept up in strong arms, held against David's chest as he tried to pretend he wasn't blinking back tears.

 

By the time Kurt had calmed down, and the take-out David had bought had been reheated and eaten, things still felt off. David was acting as if Kurt was a minefield to be navigated, as if a single word could make everything implode. It grated on Kurt's nerves. Finally he couldn't bear it any longer and practically snapped.

“Would you stop looking at me like that! I'm not going to break!” And then he took a deep breath “Sorry. I just... Sorry. I'm on edge, but it's not your fault, and I shouldn't be taking it out on you.”

He sighed. He was so tired of the whole mess, of thinking about it, and talking about it, and just wanted to stop. It wasn't as if he'd solve anything there and then anyway.

“Enough about me though. Obviously there's something on your mind, so, mind telling me?”

David averted his eyes, looking more uncomfortable than Kurt had seen him in a very long time, and then cleared his throat.

“It's, I, this isn't really the best time.” Kurt dialed up his glare, which it seemed David noticed even with his eyes glued to the floor. “Oh, okay, uh... When you contacted me, you were talking about staying for a week or two. I was just wondering what your plans were.”

Oh. Kurt's heart sank like stone in his chest. Of course. Going to Toronto was only ever meant to be a temporary solution, a place to lay low and regroup. He'd stayed with David for over a week already, and of course the other boy was getting eager to get his space back to himself.

Funny how the possibility of overstaying his welcome hadn't even occurred to him. Clearly it should have.

“Uhm, yeah, honestly? I didn't actually think that far. I just had to get out of Lima, you know? I had this idea that maybe I'd go to New York anyway, and that's obviously still an option,” _except I don't really want it to be, not any longer_ “and dad said I could come there. Worst case scenario there's always going back to Lima.”

Which was only slightly more palatable than going to New York – and wasn't **that** just a riot? – but still. It was an option.

“Seriously? You're thinking about going back to **Lima**? That's not the Kurt I thought I knew.” The way David said “Lima” made Kurt's stomach twist, and glue his eyes to the floor. The tone made exactly the same judgment of their old hometown as **Kurt** had for years, and it insinuated that Kurt was crazy for even making the suggestion.

It made his hackles rise (just because David was right didn't mean Kurt wanted to hear it) and gave his answer a unavoidable sharpness.

“I did say 'worst case scenario', did I not?”

“Well, would staying in Toronto be an option?”

Kurt's head snapped up. _What?_

“I don't know. Why?” Because while it sounded tempting, Kurt really wasn't sure it was doable. He'd have to find somewhere affordable to stay, something that was hard everywhere these days, not completely using up his savings – which would be even harder – and come up with a very good excuse for his dad.

“My landlady, well, she runs a café, and one of her summer workers apparently broke a leg. She wanted me to ask if you would be interested in helping her out for a few weeks.”

Kurt hesitated. With a job things would be easier, but still...

“I don't know what she pays, but even with minimum wage you'd be able to cover food and travel, and some pocket money, and you know you can stay here.” David flashed him a look, wrinkled his forehead, and continued. “ **Right**? Anyway, I told her you might have other plans, but I was thinking New York, not Lima.”

And that... That Kurt had not expected.

“I mean, not to be rude, but you don't exactly sound that enthusiastic about going to New York, and the same goes for your dad. Now, I don't want to pry, but if you're considering Lima as an option, even if it's in last place, with how desperate you were to get away just a week and a half ago? Then something is **obviously** not okay.

“You seem to like Toronto just fine, I think we get along great and I really don't mind living with you, and if Mme Gerard wants to give you a job... To me it looks like maybe staying in Toronto for the summer isn't such a bad idea.”

Kurt nodded, slightly stunned. It sounded like a great idea, in fact, only a very surprising one. To be honest he'd expected that David would tire of him sooner rather than later, regardless of the friendship they'd built, and ask for his space back. That he'd suggest Kurt stay for what amounted to months instead of kicking him out... It was a bit shocking, as well as somewhat intoxicating and scary.

“I'd have to talk to... Mme Gerard, was it? first, and then my dad. But I'm not against it.”

No. In fact, Kurt was everything **except** against it. It sounded as if for once the universe was giving Kurt Hummel exactly what he wanted, and needed, and if that was the case? Kurt was going to take that gift, and make the most of it.

 

Mme Gerard – Michelle – was easy going, grateful to have found a quick solution to her dilemma, and seemed like she'd be a good employer. She might not be offering a dream job, or lots of money, but she was offering Kurt an option. An alternative to tucking his (metaphorical, because Blaine had insisted he throw out the real one) tail between his legs and subject himself to Carmen Tibideaux, Rachel Berry and their derision. (Or worse: slink back to Lima, and subject himself to censure and Blaine.)

Long story short: Kurt walked out of the Mme's apartment with a contract, a schedule, and new focus. He'd be working 30 hours a week, meaning he could spend the “surplus” time studying and figuring out a number of things – such as whether or not he really wanted to go to NYADA.

Telling his dad was hard, but luckily the man was every bit as supportive as Kurt could have wished for. While neither of them mention the possibility of Kurt turning down NYADA he still got the feeling that his dad knew he was considering it, and that if that was what he would end up doing Burt Hummel would still stay supportive.

The conversation left Kurt in such high spirits that he happily agreed to talk to Finn for a little while. After all, Finn had ended up taking a pretty huge stand for Kurt. It was time to start mending their relationship.

After having talked about the wedding-that-wasn't, about graduation, and the wonders of Washington DC Finn had a ton of questions about how Kurt was doing, and even though he was careful to leave out any identifying details Kurt still managed to paint a pretty accurate picture of how he was doing.

“Dude. Did you go to New York?”

The question startled Kurt. Why would Finn want to know if he was in New York? Had talking to him been a bad idea? Had his brother not learned his lesson after all, and was spying on him (again)?

“Why do you ask?”

“It's just... Wherever you are, the way you talk? It's exactly how you'd talk about New York being. You know, except no Rachel. It sounds awesome, by the way – just what you deserve.”

That...was a very good description, actually. Toronto was shaping up to be everything Kurt had dreamed New York would be, only with no Rachel and no Blaine. And currently? Their absence was only to be considered a bonus. A huge, **huge** bonus. As was the fact that neither of them would be able to find him now.

Because Kurt was neither naïve nor stupid. He didn't think Blaine really wanted him back, not any longer, but that didn't mean he thought Blaine would back off. If Kurt had stayed in Lima, or gone to New York where Blaine could easily track him down, then he just knew he'd have the other boy practically stalking him sooner or later.

There simply was no way Blaine's ego would stand for Kurt dumping him and moving on to a happier, healthier life without him. None.

Too bad for Blaine that neither he nor his ego would ever get a say in how Kurt chose to live his life again. And that choice? Was freely, to the fullest, and without regrets. This was only one step, but it was a step in the right direction.

 

_~ TBC ~_


	3. Chapter 3

Getting a work visa was easier than Kurt would have imagined, and three days after the offer he showed up for his first shift.

Working at a café wasn't something Kurt had ever imagined himself doing – was in fact something he was ashamed to admit he'd seen himself as somewhat above – and it was definitely not something he would have thought he'd enjoy, but it turned out to suit him surprisingly well. Par-dessus l’arc-en-ciel was welcoming, and felt safe. Most of the patrons came off as “artsy” and it only took a week for Kurt to lose count of how many of them had hit on him. Apparently all those people posting online about how much easier it was to be gay in a bigger city had a point.

Working didn't only provide money for food, fun and transport, but also meant structure and focus – two things Kurt had come to realize he'd sorely missed. Soon his after work routine also consisted of studying French, vocal training, working out – running, yoga, or going to the gym with David – and dance class twice a week.

The dance class had been a huge step for him. Kurt had taken ballet as a child, and Mr Schue had played at teaching the Glee club choreography – which admittedly had been better than nothing, at least whenever Mike and Brittany had helped. Still, Kurt was more than aware that dancing was his weakest point as a performer. He could do choreography, sure, but needed direction and practice – and he positively hated freestyling.

So dance class it was.

At first Kurt felt clumsy and uncoordinated, and quite frankly as if he sucked. But soon he found his rhythm – pun intended – and felt his body rise to the challenge and respond to the demands he made of it. It was a heady feeling.

Being in the last spot of the day had its downsides, but there were bonuses too. Like how once class was over anyone who wanted to could stay behind and use the studio for extra practice while the owners did paperwork. As it was one of the evenings where David worked late Kurt always took the opportunity, working to squeeze out every ounce he could from the class.

He still wasn't the best dancer, and never would be, but that didn't matter. Kurt was striving to be the best he could. And if that meant practicing his pirouettes for hours? Then that's what he'd do. Hummels were hardworking, stubborn men after all.

“Looking good.”

Kurt came to a still, turning to face the speaker. Not a teacher, but one of the other students – a woman in her thirties by the name of Victoria. He'd noticed her, alright – she was the kind of dancer he wanted to be. Not a natural per se, but strong, graceful, competent and somehow capable of making you overlook, or at least forgive, most of her flaws.

His first response was to down-talk himself, but Kurt squashed that ruthlessly. That was Lima talking, and being put down for years. The new Kurt was going to be stronger than that.

“Thanks. I'm not where I want to be, not even close, but I think I'm getting there.”

“You are. You've improved quite a lot over the past few weeks. Had much training before?”

“Nah. Wasn't much available in my old hometown, you know? Toddler ballet for a few years, but...” His mom had signed him up, and had she not died then maybe he would have been able to continue. But with the hospital bills, and the grief, his dad's hours at the garage, and his dad's by then still unresolved issues with Kurt's sexuality, well. It hadn't really been an option.

“I did show choir for a while too, got to do some dancing there with some choreography tips, but not much. Our director was kind of stuck in the 80ies, and not too keen on listening to those who knew better. Which, by the way, wasn't me. Not on that account.”

When it came to singing, yes, there Kurt had put his two cents in – Britney Spears, anyone? – but he had known that he hadn't had much of a ground to stand on when it came to the dance part.

Victoria raised an eyebrow in an understanding way and nodded.

“That's much too common sadly. I mean, I get it, in a way. Not much glory in show choir some places, meaning if you're lucky you get someone who used to compete themselves back in the day. And those people... Well, let's say they're often stuck exactly there – back in the day.”

 _That's **so** Mr Schue,_ Kurt thought and grinned a bit.

“Yeah. I mean, I'm grateful in a way he wanted to relive his 'glory days', since that meant we actually got to have a show choir in the first place, but. A little more us and a little” _a lot_ “less him would have been nice.”

He saw the wry smile from his own lips echoed on hers,and something told Kurt that Victoria had had her share of “Mr Schues” in her life.

“Truth. So, why the dance classes then? Any particular goal?”

Kurt hesitated, unsure if he could trust this unknown person to listen and not mock him, but then shook off the negativity. Not everyone was that horrible. And if he wanted to leave Lima behind, then he needed to leave the Lima state of mind behind as well.

“I want to be a performer. The sky's the limit, yeah? Broadway. That's my dream. Maybe I won't make it, and I know chances are slim, but I feel as if I **have** **to** give it a try. If I fail, if I'm not good enough, or if I just have bad luck, that's one thing. But to just give up? I can't do that. I **won't** do that.”

And it burned and twisted deep in his soul to that, because that meant he'd most likely have to take Carmen Tibideaux up on her offer. Have to bow his neck and accept her charity.

Kurt had known from the beginning that aiming for performing arts would mean sacrificing and compromising, and he'd thought he'd accepted that, but this... This soured his stomach.

“So, any thoughts about school? You look about college age, and there are a number of schools that offer some really good options for future performers. I could give you a list if you want.”

“That's nice of you, and yeah, I'll like that list. It'd be nice to have some options.”

It wouldn't just be nice, Kurt thought. Sure, the chances of getting accepted to another school for the fall were probably minuscule, but with the way even the thought of going to NYADA made him feel? He needed to try everything. Besides, there was always the possibility of starting after Christmas.

Maybe he'd get lucky. Maybe for once the odds would be in his favor, and he'd be able to avoid Carmen Tibideaux, Rachel Berry **and** the bleeding stomach NYADA seemed bound to give him.

Victoria asked some more questions, leading up to his age and why he hadn't already applied for the fall semester.

“Oh, I did. And, well, I have a spot. I just don't know if I want to go there. Pretty sure it wouldn't be good for my mental health, you know.”

Kurt watched Victoria's eyebrows do an impressive rise, before she waved her hand in a “go on” gesture. He hesitated, because his story sounded insane, and he knew it. Still, Victoria might have offered to help, but in the end, if she didn't? If she didn't believe him? It wouldn't make a difference. Plus, it'd be a good indicator for how – and if – he should tell the story in the future.

“This is going to sound insane, okay? Like, soap-opera levels of improbable. I'm fully aware of that, and I understand if you don't believe me. It sounds like a hoax, but it's not. I wish it was, but it's really really not.

“Long story short? There were two of us from my school applying to the same school, me and this girl from my show choir. We both auditioned; she blew it, I didn't. And that should have been it, right? Only she wouldn't let it go. Instead of looking at backup plans, and thinking of ways to make up for her bad audition she started plotting.”

And then Kurt backtracked, because that wasn't exactly the whole truth.

“Or well, to be fair, she **did** come up with both of those things. First she talked our show choir director into letting her have every solo at Nationals, so she could harass the dean of admissions to attend and then use that as a second audition. **Then** she talked him into lying to said dean about me, so that I seemed like the worst potential student possible.”

It had been weeks, and the hurt was still fresh. Part of Kurt wondered if it ever would feel anything but.

“Good thing it didn't work. A professional should see through something like that, but...”

Kurt laughed, poison bubbling up from his soul into his voice.

“Oh, it worked. It worked alright. She bought it, hook line and sinker. Not that professional after all, see.” He caught Victoria's look, and expanded:

“I called to ask what I needed to work on in order to reapply, and got all those lies thrown in my face. I guess no one expected me to put up any kind of a fight. Well, they were wrong.”

Oh, how wrong they'd been. Because he'd fought back alright, and he'd delivered a few blows on his own – some through others, but still. Those who'd maligned him had had to pay. Not enough, in some cases, but even so they'd paid.

He told the rest of his story as calmly as he could, but keeping out the worst of the details. There was, after all, a difference between sounding like something out of a soap-opera, and something out of an extremely bad soap-opera.

At the end of it Kurt felt wrung out, as if he'd run ten miles, but a little lighter. Not once had Victoria acted like she didn't believe him, and on top of that she actually seemed sympathetic. Plus, telling someone the story? Had helped him release a bit of that poison that had been building inside him since opening the rejection letter.

“That's... Sorry, but that's all kinds of fucked up. And you know, not to be offensive here, but the way you describe it? Makes it sound like your teacher was either having an affair with one of his students, or trying to start one.”

Yeah. Kurt had thought so too, once or twice – or you know, a hundred times. Rachel's behavior back when didn't exactly help disprove that line of thinking. Still...

“I understand. Completely. You wouldn't be the first to wonder either. But to be honest, I don't think it was anything like that. It wasn't a teacher's pet thing either. She didn't act like that, and neither did he.

“In fact, I mostly felt as if he never really liked her and that **that** was what it was all about. He knew that he allowed his personal feelings about a student affect his behavior, that how he acted was wrong, and that in some ways he was just another one of her bullies. And all those advantages she ended up getting? I think that was his way of, well, balancing the scales so to speak.

“You know, like 'yes, I know I yelled at you and called you names but look, here's a solo so that makes everything okay'. As if he was constantly bribing her to stay his punching bag, and not report him. I can't see any other explanation.”

Kurt shrugged, because really. Trying to make sense of Mr Schue took a level of crazy he himself simply didn't have. A certain insanity came with being – or trying to be – a performer, sure, but what Mr Schue had? Wrong flavor. And he wasn't even going to touch on Rachel Berry's flavor. That way lay **actual** madness, he was sure.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

As much as talking about NYADA and Lima had hurt, it had also done some good. Having someone listen without judging (or blaming) him had made dragging up the ugliness a bit like putting tigerbalm on aching muscles – painful when actually doing it, but soothing in the end. Also, Kurt's motivation had been dialed up another notch. He did a ton of research on alternative schools – in New York, and elsewhere – and threw himself into the work during his next dance class in a way he hadn't quite managed before.

One way or another Kurt was going to prove every single one of his detractors wrong – with or without help.

After class his muscles were aching in a pleasant way, and Kurt debated whether or not to stay behind and continue working on his moves. His body would thank him for skipping it in favor of a hot shower and a prolonged stretch session, but how much would it hate him for continuing working instead?

“Hey Kurt!”

He turned around and met Victoria's smile with one of his own. Apparently she hadn't decided he was a worthless liar after all, as he'd been more than halfway convinced of after their talk. After all, his story **did** sound like it belonged in a soap-opera.

“So, here's that list I promised you.” She handed him an envelope, and Kurt tried to not let his surprise show. Someone who had promised to help him actually following through? That was **not** something he was used to.

Victoria hesitated, and Kurt steeled himself for some back-lash. That was how it went, wasn't it? Something worked out for him, only for the other shoe to drop soon after – usually in Kurt's head.

“Look, you can tell me off for being pushy and putting my nose where it don't belong if you want to, but after last week I told a friend of mine about you, and well. He suggested you meet. You were saying you wanted to be sure, yeah? Well, Lucas is really good, he knows the business and he knows talent, and I think you could benefit from his advice.

“So, you up for it?”

Kurt only allowed himself a second's hesitation, because while the concept of being evaluated scared him – Carmen Tibideaux's words echoed inside his scull – this was exactly what he wanted and needed. Holding himself back because of fears was even more unacceptable than letting Lima do it for him.

He wanted to fly, dammit, wanted to defy gravity and expectations and every single slur ever thrown after him. And that meant taking risks.

“When and where?” And he covered his insecurities and shaking knees with a stage smile.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

As Kurt approached the theater where he was supposed to meet Victoria and the mysterious Lucas (whom he still knew nothing more about) he ran through the checklist in his head. Because yes, this might be not pan out to anything, but if it didn't it wasn't going to be because of Kurt. He had prepared himself for this meeting as much as possible, and intended to squeeze out everything he could from it.

“Lucas” turned out to be Lucas Patterson, former dancer and in charge of the theater. Kurt hadn't heard of him, but resolved to rectify that – judging from the few photographs and articles on his walls (enough to look impressive, not enough to look bragging) the man had been **good**.

“So, Kurt. Victoria tells me you're hoping for a career in performing. Mind being a little more specific?”

“Musical theater. Singing to be precise. I enjoy dancing, when there's actual choreography, and the acting part fascinates me, but singing is what's closest to my heart. Musical theater... It would be like having the cake **and** eating it, you know?”

Add the costumes, and the glitter and applause... Yeah, Kurt could see himself going in other directions, but musical theater was what he **wanted**. Backup options were well and good, but only if this one didn't work out.

“And do you think you have what it takes? Because I've seen a lot of people with the same aspirations, and honestly? Some didn't have the talent, some were too bland, some refused to do the work, and so on. Most of them never made it past wishing.”

It wasn't anything he hadn't heard before, in one shape or another, but this time there was a difference. This time the man speaking the words had no agenda, no prejudices, and more importantly knew his shit. So Kurt brushed off the echoes of Lima, smiled with as much self-confidence as he could muster up (or fake) and handed over a flash drive.

“I think so, yes. But I don't expect you to take me at my word, not when you can judge for yourself. That contains video of two of my auditions as well as two audio files. I think those speak louder than I ever could.”

He'd gone over the files Lauren Zizes had given him (once more promising himself to send her flowers for the kindness) with a fine tooth comb the night before, and had ended up copying his auditions for West Side Story and NYADA along with “As if We Never Said Goodbye” and “I Want to Hold Your Hand”. The selection was, he felt, a good showcase for his voice as well as his physicality.

As Lucas and Victoria played the files Kurt sat still, outwardly calm but internally freaking out. In a way this was more nerve-wrecking than auditioning for NYADA had been. Still. He'd made it through that, and the fallout, and he'd make it through this.

“Well. I have to say this is not what I expected when Victoria approached me. She told me she'd found a hopeful, someone who showed some promise and who could benefit from some guidance. So that was what I was expecting. It's not, however, what I just saw.”

Kurt's heart sank. Was this opportunity nothing but an illusion, where he was to be dismissed as delusional and devoid of talent? Could he bounce back again if it was? _Yes. I can do that. I will do that. Because nobody pushes a Hummel down._

“These songs show talent, and a lot of promise, and I have to say I'm surprised, very pleasantly so. You're a bit raw around the edges, and definitely need to train and work more, but it's my professional opinion that you have what it takes to make it as a performer. It won't be easy, because the competition is stiff, and as a countertenor you're not going to have as many openings as say an actual tenor would.

“Still, if you work hard I have every confidence some day not too far off your name will be written in lights.”

Kurt let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, and felt his hands trembling. Lucas' words were like balm to his soul, like finally seeing light after being in the dark for too long.

“In fact, I'm so sure of your promise I'm going to make you an offer.” _Wait, what?_ “Would it be correct of me to assume that you're planning on staying in Toronto for a while longer?”

“I–” Kurt's voice gave out, and he cleared his throat. “Sorry. Yes, as it looks I'm staying here until the last week of August, and after that we'll see. I have some tentative plans, but nothing is final quite yet.

“Currently I work 30 hours per week at Par-dessus l’arc-en-ciel, and I'm scheduled for another two weeks. The owner has indicated that she'd be happy to have me stay on after that, in some capacity, but again, nothing is final.”

Not that Kurt wouldn't happily turn down working at the café for a shot at anything even remotely connected to theater. He was happy at the café, yes, but it wasn't something he wanted to do longterm.

“That we can work with. So, here's my suggestion...”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

When Kurt left Lucas's office he felt like he'd been swept up in a tornado, or had fallen down a rabbit hole. Because what had just happened? Didn't. Not to him, not in normal life. In a magical land of dreams and make believe? Sure. But in actual real life? No.

He pinched himself, discretely. Not asleep. So maybe things were finally turning around for him.

Lucas had offered him an internship of sorts, where Kurt would be learning a little about everything at the theater, from costuming and lightning to directing and performing. He'd also be practicing with the chorus, which would give him a huge advantage once (if) he arrived at NYADA.

No wonder he felt like he should be looking out for flying monkeys or beheading-happy queens.

“You look a bit dazed. Good surprise?”

 _Oh, right._ Victoria was showing him out, an impish smile dancing on her lips. She looked pleased with herself, and well, as far as Kurt was concerned she had every reason.

“Of course! This is amazing, I... If I wasn't so gay I could kiss you. I just, I don't really get it. Why are you doing this? Not that I'm not grateful, because I am, I really really am, just... I'm a stranger” _and my friends couldn't be bothered to even listen to me, never mind actually helping me._

“When I was in my first year of college I landed a role in the end of year show. Not the lead, no, but still a really good role – big enough that a number of people complained that it was unfair, that it should have been given to a senior.

“Less than an hour before I was to go on stage I got really sick. As in 'spent the next three days throwing up'. Afterwards the only reason I could find was the lunch we'd been served, but no one else got sick. I, however, am **very** lactose intolerant, and the girl who was responsible for the food was my understudy.”

Kurt gave an understanding noise. All he had to do was imagine a scenario where Mercedes had gotten Maria, with Rachel being her understudy, and he would put money on something like that happening. Because Rachel fucking Berry.

“After that mess it took me the better part of my remaining college years to be seen as reliable again. No one wanted to take a chance on the girl who threw up all over backstage, you know? Especially not when the rumors started. So your story? I believe it. You're not the first to have shit pulled on you over jealousy. I'm thinking you didn't deserve that anymore than I did.”

Victoria shrugged, like she was over it, but Kurt could see old hurt flash over her face. Just for a second, but it was there. Of course it was. Because you never **did** forget those kind of slights.

“I almost gave up. I thought about changing directions, even though performing was the only thing I'd wanted to do for as long as I could remember. And I think you're in that place as well. You've considered walking away, haven't you?”

Kurt nodded. The only thing that had been holding him up the first day had been sheer stubbornness, and after that it had been not wanting to give Rachel the satisfaction.

That kind of motivation, he knew, rarely held you up for that long though. And judging from the way Victoria looked at him she knew too.

“If I can help someone from ending up there, then how could I **not**? Besides, I didn't do this. You did. I gave you an opening, but **you** are the one who took it and made it more. Lucas doesn't impress easily, you know. He's worked with a lot of big names, and he knows talent. He sees something in you, just as I did. Something more than talent, something that could be the difference between being promising and being successful. And that's why he made you this offer.

“One day it'll be you doing this, Kurt, for someone else who needs a helping hand. We have to look after our own after all, don't we?”

Kurt closed his eyes briefly, centered himself and held back a small sob. Then he looked straight at Victoria, all serious.

“Yeah. One day it'll be me.” And it was as much a prayer as it is a promise.

One day it **would** be Kurt helping someone who needed it. One day he **would** be in that position. There simply was no other acceptable ending to his story.

 

_**~ TBC ~** _


	4. Chapter 4

That summer would for always stand out in Kurt's memory. It was, he thought, the best summer he'd had since his mother's death, and he loved every minute of it – even the ones filled with pain and tears and frustration.

On a personal level he reached out to Lauren, first in order to express his gratitude, then just because they clicked. Exchanging barbs and “war stories” with her gave him something that had been missing in his life for a long time, and Kurt found himself smiling in anticipation every time he got a notification about a message from her.

Lauren had, with very little effort, slid into position as his best girl, and while it had been totally unexpected Kurt embraced it. The two of them had enough similarities to get along, enough differences to make it interesting, and unlike with every other girl Kurt had spent time with there was no competition. They just were.

It was refreshing, and empowering, and he was never going to accept anything less ever again.

In contrast his relationship with Mercedes, and their attempts to fix things, were looking positively paltry. First of all there was the fact that it had taken her until late June, or almost a month after his departure from Lima, to reach out. That she'd waited until she herself had left Lima to send him a letter (the LA post stamp gave it away) didn't speak to her advantage.

Yes, Kurt had changed his number, deleted his facebook, and replaced his email address. That didn't make him unreachable. Lauren had approached his dad. So had Finn, in a way, while Puck and Brittany had both left messages. Hell, Sebastian freakin' Smythe had managed better than Mercedes, by virtue of checking in less than two weeks after his talk with Kurt.

It had taken Mercedes over a month and a half, when it would have taken her 30 minutes to walk over to his house and drop something off in the mailbox.

Out of the people who had reached out, Mercedes was the one who should have had the biggest reason to, yet she'd been the last one. (Unless you counted the screaming on his voice-mail. Kurt didn't.)

Then there was his hurt that things had needed to be fixed at all. After all, with Mercedes claiming to be his best friend, Kurt felt she should have sided with him over Blaine, or at the very least offered to listen to his version of events before taking sides.

Especially since she herself was less than innocent when it came to that exact behavior. The way she'd been acting with Sam and Shane might not have been full-on cheating, but it was far from okay. Mercedes had crossed the line, and that made having her be one of his accusers hurt even more.

It was, Kurt thought, like Mercedes had chosen to punish him for both his (perceived) actions and her own, as if doing so somehow made his comments about her behavior towards both boys invalid, and would in some way absolve her of her own wrongdoings.

But, it wasn't just about that. It was an undeniable fact that their friendship had been on the rocks for some time before breaking down. Kurt loved Mercedes fiercely, even after everything, but that didn't change that he didn't trust her the same way he once had – hadn't for a long time, if honest.

Mercedes's behavior during Burt Hummel's hospitalization had shown Kurt a side to her he didn't like. He'd chosen to overlook it, but it had still widened the rift. Oh, he was far from innocent when it came to what was wrong between them, but. His mistakes were for Mercedes to forgive, or not, as hers were for him.

And he was leaning towards not.

Sometimes he suspected that their friendship had never been what they claimed – that the closeness and acceptance they flaunted was simply a figment of imagination. Mercedes had been the first person to accept his sexuality, yes. But coming out to her had still been hard, and he'd still lied first.

Maybe their relationship was so hard to mend because it had never been that whole to begin with.

The same could much too easily have been said about his relationship with Finn. Luckily that wasn't true. They spent hours talking, and writing long messages to each other, and Kurt felt that they were doing a great job when it came to building a steady – not to mention healthy – relationship.

They were doing things the way they should have from the beginning, and while there was still much to do both felt as if they'd both finally gained that brother they'd supposedly had for the last two years. With that and the improved relationship with his dad Kurt felt safer and more loved than he had in a long time.

And speaking of Burt Hummel, he had even flown in to visit. Kurt had loved that he'd made the effort, when there was so much else demanding his attention, and had proudly shown his dad around (and off). There had been a slightly tense dinner with David, followed by a talk Kurt wasn't supposed to know about, and a much more relaxed one with a few of Kurt's new “colleagues” from the theater.

He'd made new friends and contacts, had continued to explore the city, and had attended his first Pride. On a personal level it had been a full summer, to say the very least, and amazing. Professionally it had been no less busy, and equally awesome. Kurt had worked hard, learning as much as he could, about every aspect of the theater. He had been given a rare opportunity, and he was going to make the most of it.

It was heaven. It was the other side of the rabbit hole – no, it was better than that. It was the hidden country at the back of the wardrobe, a land where Kurt could be a king instead of a nobody, and he didn't know how he was supposed to go back to the normal world after having a taste of that.

It all came to a stop during one of his talks with Finn.

“Well, do you **have** to?”

“What?”

“Well, think about it! You obviously don't want to go to NYADA – and I'm not even sure you want to go to New York any longer, and saying that is a little scary, okay – and you just as obviously love it where you are. So what's stopping you from staying? You could at least **ask** if they'd be interested in keeping you.

“Which, you know, they really really should be because you're like crazy talented and unless they're blind, deaf, and stupid they should know that by now.”

Stay in Toronto? Ask Lucas if it was possible for Kurt to stay with the theater for a while longer, and just stay? The thought hadn't even crossed his mind. Or rather, Kurt corrected himself, it **had** crossed his mind, only to immediately be ruthlessly suppressed. Now that Finn had opened the door Kurt could see that it was something he'd wanted all along, only he hadn't allowed the thought to even register. He was much too used to not letting himself want things, because maybe then not getting them wouldn't hurt as much.

Now that Finn had given those thoughts a voice silencing them was pretty much impossible though.

If Kurt was truly honest with himself that option sounded a lot more tempting than going to NYADA, sharing a classroom with Rachel and her barbed comments, faking smiles at Carmen Tibideaux while hiding his desire to throw them both into the Bog of Eternal Stench. (Shut up. **Those pants** , okay? They excused **everything**.)

Oh, he had no idea if it truly was an option, but. As it turned out, he was willing to fight to make it one.

Apparently he'd been silent for too long, musing about previously unthought-of options, because Finn was talking again, and he sounded nervous.

“I mean, I'm not saying you shouldn't go to New York if that's what you want, because you totally should, and I'll back you one hundred percent. I mean, **I** kinda want you to go there, just so I could maybe visit, and we could keep working on things, but that's for **me**. For you, I'm thinking not so much.

“And I also think it's time I stopped being selfish and working to get what I want, and instead start being your brother for real.”

“Finn? I kind of want to hug you, a lot, right now, but you know. Distance. So, you'll have to take a rain-check, if that's fine with you?”

The smile Finn sent him was a bit shaky, and maybe came with slightly wet eyes. No matter. The same was true for Kurt after all.

 

Talking to Lucas was harder than Kurt liked to admit, on account of how much effort it took him to scrape up the courage and self-esteem needed, but the talk itself was went so smoothly it was practically embarrassing. Apparently they'd be happy to keep him on, and as an actual paid intern. (Oh, the pay wasn't much, but still. It was a testament to his talent, surely?)

The whole situation was made even better by Lucas mentioning that he had in fact been thinking about offering that exact internship for a while, only hesitating because it was well known that Kurt had been accepted to a prestigious college. Knowing that made Kurt feel wanted, something that was far too rare in his life.

 

That evening Kurt prepared a – by their standards at least – downright luxurious meal. Something great had happened to him, he wanted to celebrate, and a good dinner with David was the best option available.

“So what's the occasion? I mean, I am definitely not complaining, but we don't usually eat like this.” David gestured towards the table, and the abundance of food on it. Small portions of soup served in glasses, pretty salads on separate dishes, fresh bread, and a casserole that smelled mouthwatering and Kurt quite honestly thought was his best ever. Glasses of sparkling cider to go with, and a creamy chocolate dessert waiting on the counter. Yup, not their usual Thursday dinner.

“Weeeell... I got some good news, and I wanted to celebrate. The theater offered me an internship! A real one,” he added when seeing David's confused look. “I get to spend the next four months learning the trade from active professionals, **and** I get paid for it.”

“So, you're not going to go to New York?”

“Not right now, no. Well, not unless my dad goes insane. I might be an adult, but my relationship with my dad is so good right now that I'd hate for us to argue about this. I hope he won't have a problem with it, just. You never know, right? Still. It looks like I'll be staying in Toronto for a bit longer.

“Don't worry though, I'll start looking for a place of my own as soon as I've talked to dad.”

David stared at him for long seconds, forehead crinkled slightly, before speaking up.

“Why? An internship usually doesn't pay that well, and finding a cheap place to stay here isn't that easy. I know I would have been in trouble if management hadn't fixed things for me. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, why look for a place – unless you're not comfortable staying here? It is kinda small, and I get wanting privacy, I guess. Just, it's been working fine, hasn't it?”

Kurt just stared at his friend. He hadn't even considered that David might be okay with Kurt staying longer – might even, by the sounds of things, want it. They were both used to their privacy, and yes, David's flat was small. Too small, Kurt had thought, for two gay teenagers with healthy sexualities who were attracted to each other.

 _Unless, of course, he doesn't feel that way about me anymore._ But no, Kurt didn't think that was it. He'd seen the way David would glance at him, and it was almost the same as the way Kurt would look at David. And that was why he'd offered to move out. Because of the way they felt about each other, and what that might lead to.

_We've managed fine so far though. So maybe a couple of months longer won't be a problem._

“If you're sure? Then yes, I would be happy to stay here. For now. But,” he held up his hand and allowed a stern tone to creep into his voice, “if I end up staying longer than that I'm finding a place of my own. With no arguments from you, okay?”

Because right now they might just be friends, but honestly? Kurt didn't think they'd stay that way for long. He looked over at David's smiling face, and took in his obvious pleasure in the meal Kurt had prepared. No. They wouldn't stay just friends for long – he'd make sure of it.

 

The hardest part about the whole thing remained however, namely for Kurt to talk to his dad. He procrastinated for days, until David practically forced him to make the call. (“Either you call him today, or I do it for you. You're climbing the walls, and it's driving me insane.”) Apparently he'd ended up rehearsing the conversation in his sleep, and apparently David was having a hard time sleeping through that. So. Time to talk.

(And if Kurt happened to have a piece of paper with all of his arguments on it next to the phone? No witnesses meant it never happened.)

Once he'd powered through his planned speech Kurt felt the air leave him, like a punctured balloon. Oh, his dad couldn't stop him from doing this, not really. But. They were in a good place now, with communication and respect, and the last thing Kurt wanted was to threaten that by going the “I'm an adult, you don't get a say” route. Besides, he actually wanted his dad to have a say.

“Kurt? Are you... Sorry, just, it almost sounds like you're considering going to college more for my sake than for yours. Am I misreading you here, or what?”

Aaaand... Well. Not exactly, just...

“Just, dad, you've been so invested in this and I hate the thought of disappointing you–”

“Stop right there. Kiddo, there are things you could do to disappoint me, sure, but making well-thought-out choices that you believe is best for you is **not** one of them. Really not. Yeah, I've been invested in this, sure, but that's for **you**. What they did to you, that's not right. No one should have to treated like that. No one.

“Now, I'll admit, I'm proud as hell about you getting accepted to NYADA. Between their reputation, and the odds of being accepted, that's quite a feat. And no one gets to tell you otherwise, okay. That does **not** mean you have to go though. Not everyone goes to college, and not everyone should. **I** didn't, remember? I just took some night classes to make running the garage easier, but I never got a degree or anything.”

And that was right, they **had** talked about that, years and years ago.

“I'd forgotten about that. But now that you mention it, yeah. Something about them not teaching you how to fix a carburetor and change a tire at college, right? But they do teach you about acting and singing and dancing, so that's not the same scenario. Like you said, just getting accepted is a feat. Am I crazy for throwing that away?”

And that, right there, was why he wanted his dad's input. Because what if turning down NYADA was a mistake, and he'd end up ruining his career before it even got started because of it?

“You're **not** throwing anything away, Kurt. You're taking an alternative route. One, I might add, that a lot of others have also taken. You think everyone on TV or on Broadway went to some fancy college? You **know** they didn't. Besides, didn't you just tell me that you could learn everything that NYADA teaches at this theater? If that's true, then not trying that could be called crazy.

“Besides, you wouldn't be the first college kid who deferred for a semester.”

“Only I wouldn't be deferring, would I? With the way things have been, I hardly thing Carmen Tibideaux's going to let me defer.”

And that filled his mouth with bitterness. Once again he'd been put in a position that no one should be in, one only pushed on people like him.

“Ah, I wouldn't be so sure about that. There was a reason I said I was about to call you.”

Listening to his dad made Kurt's head spin. Carmen Tibideaux had called to give him an out? Oh, he was sure she didn't see it like that, but it was what it was. He'd just been given exactly what he needed – an option to try things out with the theater for real, **and** still go to NYADA after if he wanted.

“And she was serious? I mean, you think she meant it and wasn't just trying to appease you?”

“Oh, she meant it. I'll make damned sure of that. Remember how you taught me to record my calls? Yeah, I did that. So if you want to stay in Toronto for the fall and go to school in January, then you do that and I'll make sure Tibideaux keeps her promise.”

The “or else” wasn't said out loud, but then again it didn't need to be.

“I love you, dad.”

“Love you too, Kid. Now, I do have some conditions, okay. First of all, I want you to think about NYADA. **Really** think about it – I want you to make up your mind about going or not based on the school, and the education, not Berry and Tibideaux and what they did.

“Second, I want you to take a couple of days in October or so to go to New York. Go check out the campus, try and sneak into some classes, talk to students. See if it's right for you. Maybe visit some other schools as well, in case you decide that you do want to go to college, but not to NYADA. Who knows, maybe you could swing by and visit your old man as well.”

That...sounded great. And very, very reasonable.

“Okay, I can do that.”

“Great. I'll pay for the trip of course, which brings me to my third condition. Money.”

“Ah, the internship is going to be paid. Not much, no, but between that and the hours I can work at the café I should be good for food and transportation. Mme Gerard's already okayed me staying here for the rest of the year, so I don't need to pay rent, and I have some savings from the summer and from selling off old clothes which'll cover pocket money.”

“You're going to continue living with David? And is he okay with it as well?”

Kurt was grateful they weren't on Skype, as hearing their arrangement described like that made him a little too flustered.

“He is. It was his offer to begin with, so. You know, we're fine.”

“Huh. Okay, if you say so. Either way, if you end up staying beyond New Year's – and don't even start with me, Kurt, because we both know you're already considering the option – then I want you to find a place of your own. I'll help you with rent, because if you're doing this, then I want you to focus on learning, not working around the clock to pay bills.”

“Dad, no! We agreed–”

“We agreed that my salary as a congressman should primarily be used to pay off the mortgages on the house and the garage, and the hospital bills, yes. But this is important too. Besides, things are looking good when it comes to me being reelected. I know I said it was a one time thing, but honestly? I have a chance to do something here, to make a difference and work for the things that are important, and get paid well to do so. If the people want me to serve for another term then don't I more or less owe it to everyone to do it?

“If that happens I can definitely cover an apartment for my son.

“And even if not, I can still help you out. I've been putting some money aside for college, plus, we should sell the Nav. You're not going to use it, I think, not where you are and not if you go to New York. Selling it would help with rent for a while.”

Knowing cars the way he did, Kurt was willing to bet selling the Nav would help for more than a while. And it **was** a good idea. The kind of life he wanted to live, and the kind of place he wanted it in, well, a car was an unnecessary luxury there. Impractical as well, really, because honestly? Where would he park a car? Besides, if he did need a car, the Nav would still be a bad choice. It was too big, and too expensive to own, and the only reason he had it to begin with was because Burt Hummel was a magician when it came to cars.

“That, that would be great, dad. Selling the Nav, that is. I don't want to use money that's meant for college unless it's for actual college, not when I'm not sure I won't go, but you're right about me not needing the car. For now I don't need the money either, but knowing I have the option... That means a lot.

“And yes, if there's a chance you can get reelected, then I think you should take it. If you want to, of course! But we both know that Sue Sylvester isn't even the worst that could happen to Ohio, and someone like you, willing to fight for those of us who don't conform... It could be really important.

“I'll back you all the way, dad, you know that right?”

“Yeah, I do. Just as I hope you know that I will with you, okay? Whatever happens, whatever you decide, kiddo. Family stand together. So, about that visit...”

 

With everything straightened out Kurt threw himself into his new life with renewed vigor. It was both the same as during the summer, and completely new. Having a formalized internship instead of an informal one came with more than just a pay-check. It also meant more responsibilities, longer hours, and the promise of actually getting to go on stage in an actual production. Kurt was working harder than ever before in his life, and he loved it.

 

On the day that was still marked on his calendar back in Lima as “NYADA starts”, the day Kurt had envisioned so clearly – him and Rachel together, starting a new chapter in their lives, and taking the first steps towards stardom – Kurt wasn't anywhere near New York. Instead of being with the girl he had (before her betrayal) begun to think of as a slightly annoying sister he was with a boy who'd been his bully. Instead of stylish clothes he was in workout gear, practicing with the chorus members, following barked-out orders until his body hated him.

 

Kurt didn't regret his choices for a second.

 

_~ TBC ~_


	5. Chapter 5

Two weeks into October Kurt went on stage for the first time during an actual production. Yes, he'd been part of McKinley's WSS production, but he didn't count that. Partially because everything about it was tainted, and partially because it had been a high school production. That his talents had been completely wasted didn't exactly endear it to him either.

This time it was for real. Sure, he was only chorus, but still. He was going on stage in an actual production, with actual professionals, in an actual theater – and he was getting paid for it? That kind of blew anything from before out of the water.

It was also worth a hell of a lot more than actually getting to play Tony – or getting a competition solo for that matter – could ever have been. Sure, Kurt was stuck in the background once more, but this time? Every single person sharing a stage with him had earned their place. Every one of them had worked hard to get where they were, and deserved what spot they had.

It was, simply put, a matter of talent, not prejudice and favoritism. They'd all proven themselves worthy.

That was, everyone but Kurt. He was there not because he'd earned it, but because someone believed he would one day earn it. And that? That made being in the background okay, and more.

Plus, this would not be the last time Kurt Hummel would go on stage, he swore to himself, nor would he stay chorus. His day **would** come – not just because he was talented, but because he was willing to work hard, and earn it.

Five days after his debut – three of which he'd actually gotten to go on – Kurt stepped on a plane to New York. He still wasn't sure about going there, but he had made a promise, and he intended to honor that. Besides, even if he didn't end up getting anything out of visiting the schools, well, New York was always New York. He'd gotten a taste of it the year before, and the idea of another appealed to him. He'd arranged to visit five schools, and was going to check out NYADA according to orders. That still left a little room for fun though, something Kurt intended to exploit. He even had some extra money for treats.

Only one of the five schools appealed to Kurt, for a number of reasons, which only left NYADA. Going there was...not something Kurt was looking forward to. He was going to try and sneak into a lecture, just as his dad had suggested, as well as getting a feel for the campus. But more importantly, he was going to try and see what kind of people studied there.

He could find out about teachers and classes and lecture halls online. But experience had taught Kurt that when it came down to it, what made a school tolerable or not came down to the students, and that was something that couldn't be researched, only lived. He'd spent the last four years in schools where the students had either made him feel miserable, or like a misfit. Dalton had been better than McKinley in many ways, but in others he'd been more of an outsider there than he'd been even during his time as a Titan.

It was not something he was eager to relive.

In order for him to even consider going to NYADA there needed to be a good climate, so to speak, which meant fair teachers and students that weren't assholes. _Clearly, I'm not asking much. Just everything and then some._

And yes, it was a tall order. But Kurt had spent far too much time at schools where he spent more time wanting out than actually wanting to be there to want to repeat the experience. Especially after having spent time in an environment where he was happy and appreciated. Not to mention the fact that there was no way he was going to get himself into debt in order to go to a school where he'd be treated as less – be it from other students, or from teachers.

Never again.

 

From the outside the campus was okay. B- maybe. Of course, architecture and groundskeeping were not exactly the most important parts of a school, but they were the first thing Kurt saw. If the inside was the same, then he would have to seriously question the schools priorities. Tuition was steep, and while he appreciated the thought of that money not being spent on flowers and decorative bushes Kurt did believe in proper maintenance.

At first look – and second, and third – Kurt would say that NYADA's campus was just on the right side of that line, and not one fraction of an inch better. If the classrooms were the same way... Well, no thanks. He'd done his time in shitty classrooms where the furniture might give you splinters, and the air was just a little too thick. He'd spent too many hours dancing on an auditorium floor that was beginning to buckle, and been cautioned too many times about the cost of the lights.

He'd done his time, and he sure as hell wasn't going to pay to do more.

Besides, if the money wasn't going into maintenance there was the question of where it was going. To the teachers? To fancy guest lecturers? Or maybe it was lining the pockets of the PTB, never benefiting students at all. And if that looked to be the case... Well. Burt Hummel was, so far, in a position to have that investigated.

He was so caught up in musing about the grounds and the buildings that Kurt didn't even notice himself wandering off the quad and into a side building. He did however notice when a group of people started singing in a room as he walked by. The door was slightly ajar, and Kurt stopped to listen.

They were singing some silly top40 hit from the 90ies, and when he snuck a peak they were obviously having fun doing so. The sight reminded him of the New Directions at their best, and his heart ached a bit even as it was soothed.

_If this is what being a student at NYADA means, then maybe it wouldn't be such a bad fit after all..._

When the music died out the group clapped and laughed, and part of Kurt wanted to just walk in and ask to join. Doing what he did at the theater was amazing, yes, but this? Just goofing around with friends and making music for sheer fun? He missed that.

Joining in wasn't an option though, as the second one of the group spotted him – clearly he'd pushed the door open a little too wide in his enjoyment of their performance – and pointed him out to the others the atmosphere in the room turned quickly. It seemed as if observers weren't exactly welcome.

One of them broke loose from the group and walked towards the door – and Kurt – with long strides. The guy was cute, with blond tousled hair that Kurt longed to straighten with his fingers, and casual clothing. During the singing he'd had a wide smile on his face, but now he looked slightly uncomfortable and not too happy.

“We've got this rehearsal space booked for another hour. Professor Kessler signed off on it. So whatever it was that you were thinking of, you're going to have to either find another room or wait. We're not leaving.”

And whoa. “Unwelcome” might have been an understatement. Kurt swept his eyes over the man, this time not looking at clothes or features, but instead body language. What he saw was familiar. This guy expected to be treated like shit. His body and his attitude broadcasted it, just like Kurt's surely had, back at McKinley.

Time to back down.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. I was just passing by, looking around, when I heard you guys sing. And I'm really sorry if I invaded your privacy. You just drew me in. You sounded like you were having so much fun – like me and my friends playing around in the choir room.” Well, before it became an all-out war zone.

The blond with the charming accent – British? maybe – stared hard at Kurt before seemingly making his mind up about something.

“You're not a student here, are you?”

“Not...yet. Maybe next year. Maybe. That's pretty much why I'm here, to look around and see if this was the kind of school I could be happy at. Say, you wouldn't mind giving me a few hints, would you? Because brochures and websites only tell you so much, and I already know all I need about that part. What I don't know is how being a student here is.”

Kurt crossed his fingers, hoping that he'd get a positive response. He didn't expect the crooked smile he got.

“If that's what you're after, you should probably ask someone else. I'm kind of biased.”

“And maybe that's why I **should** be talking to you. Because with the way you reacted when you guys spotted me, and the way you're acting right now? If that bias of yours is negative towards the school, or the faculty, or the other students, that I **really** want to know what you think. Please?”

Because if being seen acting in a way Kurt himself enjoyed caused someone to go this much on the defense, then that didn't speak in favor of NYADA being a good match for Kurt.

“Jinx? You mind wrapping this one up? I'm going to fill a prospective in on the dirty laundry.” Then he turned back towards Kurt with another crooked smile. “Come on then, newbie. Oh, and I'm Adam by the way.”

“Hi Adam. I'm Kurt.”

Fifteen minutes later they found themselves at a corner table in a coffee shop with Kurt almost vibrating with curiosity. Everything about Adam's behavior told a story, from the way he'd picked a back exit to minimize the possibility of them being seen at NYADA, to his expressive face and body language, to the fact that he'd picked a place that didn't seem popular with students. There was a story there, and it didn't look like one where NYADA was the City of Dreams.

“Okay. You're thinking of applying to NYADA? And you what, do show choir back home? Well, okay. First rule of NYADA, if you're unpopular you're screwed. It's that simple. You don't exactly have to be popular, because you can get by being simply no one, but unpopular? Yeah, good luck. And one of the safest ways to get there? Doing things that aren't 'fancy' enough.

“Like show choir. Having done it in high school is fine, because some people simply aren't privileged enough to have other options, but enjoying it? Keeping it up once you've been admitted here? Nope.

“The Apples – our group – get by for one reason, and one reason only, and that is that one of the professors have our backs. He doesn't care about show choir in itself, but he does care about having fun when you're performing, and about not being an arse. If it wasn't for him we would never be allowed to practice on campus.”

Two minutes in, and Kurt was already suspecting the outcome of their talk. The students at NYADA were sounding too much like what he'd hoped to leave behind.

“So, what? The other teachers, they look the other way while there's bullying going on?”

His voice was sharp, too sharp really, and Adam looked startled.

“No! Well, not exactly. The teachers do tend to look the other way a lot, but what's going on isn't exactly bullying. It's more... The popular students, the ones everyone 'knows' will make it, they close the ranks. It's them, and their sycophants, and then there are the 'peasants', basically. The ones who won't conform. Which is really ridiculous, since this is a school for performing arts. That's like the definition of non-conforming.”

Kurt laughed, because he'd just thought the same thing. At the same time, it was no laughing matter. If NYADA was about conforming, then it was neither the school he'd thought nor the school for him.

“Sounds like high school to me. Too much like high school, only with different kids making up the clicks.”

“Mmmm. I mean, I didn't go to high school here, but from what my friends tell me that's about it.

“Problem is, it's not just about popularity. It's about everything else as well. If you're unpopular you're not going to get say a spot working with any of the visible senior projects. Instead you're limited to the ones that most likely will be forgotten. Because when you don't have popular students involved, or teachers interested, then your chances of drawing outside attention become practically non-existent.

“One of the advantages of NYADA is that there are a lot of influential patrons, or former students, who can get you recognized. But for that to happen they have to see you, and that doesn't happen – or rarely happens – when you're on the bottom. Those people, they only attend one or two events in a semester, and that pretty much guarantees it's not going to be one that can't even draw in **students**.”

Adam's voice held a lot of bitterness, and Kurt was willing to bet he was thinking about his own senior project, which – judging from what Kurt saw – couldn't be too far away.

“I get it. But if you don't mind me asking, if you dislike the school this much, why are you here? Why didn't you transfer out a long time ago?”

A quick blush rose on Adam's cheeks.

“I was stupid. I applied here without thinking, because my boyfriend applied to Columbia. We'd been together for a year and a half, and when he told me he was applying to school in New York I did to, because I didn't want to lose him. I didn't think either of us would get in.

“Except he did, and then I did as well, and well. I fought with my family for months, telling them that no, it wasn't just some stupid teenage romance, and I was old enough to make up my own mind. As far as I was concerned, Jason was it, and that made him worth moving to another country for.”

Kurt, who'd only just managed to shake himself out of the casual revelation that Adam was into guys, nodded. He could much too easily see himself do the same. _Thank god Blaine was a year younger than me. Things were bad enough as they were, and if he had had an influence on my college applications as well..._ He shuddered. Bad. So, so very bad.

“To make a long story short, at first I refused to give up and go home because my boyfriend was here, and when we broke up halfway a month into my second year I thought not finishing the semester was stupid. And then I realized that I couldn't just transfer out, because NYADA's curriculum didn't match any of the other schools I was interested in. It was finish up here, or go home. Only, then not only would I be returning with my tail between my legs, but I'd do so knowing I'd wasted three semesters as well as a lot of money. So I stayed, and I endured, and now I'm nearly done. I'm not saying I haven't learned a lot here, because I have, but.

“Let's just say that if I decide to go to grad school, it sure as hell won't be here.”

Something inside Kurt heated up at the Brit's words. Not only because it could just as easily have been him, but also because he hated seeing others being treated badly. He always had, but after what had happened in the spring it had grown to a righteous fury. Adam's story made him want to find these people, and **spit** at them, or worse.

_Just because they've managed to crawl out of their metaphorical dumpsters doesn't give them the higher ground. It doesn't give them the right to try and keep others left trapped in there._

“You've really given me a lot to think about here. I'm not saying NYADA isn't an option any more, but well, the way you're talking about it puts the school rather low on my list of possibilities. When I decide where to go and what to do, how that place will make me feel is just as important as what it'll teach me. I already know how to be treated like trash.”

They shared a look, one that simply couldn't be translated into words, but was easily recognizable to anyone who'd been where they had.

Kurt went to get them both a refill, while considering if he should ask Adam about Rachel. With him being a senior and she a freshman it was entirely possible that Adam wouldn't know her from Eve, but... Kurt had a feeling that Rachel would have tried her damnedest to make an impact immediately upon arrival, to make a name for herself, and while that might or might not have backfired, it meant Adam might have heard of her.

Asking would be a gamble, since he didn't want anyone from his old life to know he'd been here, but Kurt thought he could be sneaky enough. He waited for five minutes of small talk before making his move.

“Soooooo... There's actually this girl I know, somewhat, who goes here. Our schools went up against each other during Regionals one year.” All of which was true, without directly identifying Kurt if Adam decided to talk. “Maybe you've heard of her? I know, I know, she's only been here for a month and a half, but well, she tends to make herself heard. Rachel Berry?”

It was all said as innocently as Kurt could manage, but he watched Adam like a hawk when dropping Rachel's name. Even if Adam wasn't willing to talk about her, maybe his face and body would talk for him again.

It did. It was a fleeting, blink-and-you-miss-it grimace, but it confirmed everything Kurt had suspected. Rachel had been noticed, and not in an entirely good way.

“Ah,”

“Oh no, I didn't, she–”

“Don't bother. Your face told me pretty much the whole story. Rachel's being a loud pest again, isn't she?”

Adam looked like he was trying to come up with a way to not agree, but then deflated visibly. Understandable. Trying to argue against Rachel Berry being loud was like arguing with a thunderstorm, and the same was much too often true when it came to her being a pest as well.

“Yeah. I didn't want to say anything mean, because it's not who I want to be, and because it sounded like she's your friend–”

“Frenemy. I know,” Kurt waved a hand at Adam's incredulous look. “It's a thing.”

“Okay, 'frenemy' then, but yes, I know of her. She's... Well, loud is certainly accurate. I wouldn't know about pest though, but she certainly isn't my kind of person.”

As Adam talked, all Kurt could do was shake his head and be grateful – apparently he'd dodged quite the bullet by not going to NYADA that semester.

Rachel had quickly gotten a reputation for arguing with her teachers – but only some of them, the less influential ones – and trying to show off whenever the occasion arose. She'd attached herself to one of the popular groups, straddling the line between sycophant and wannabe, and even dating one of the guys. An uncomfortable look flashed across Adam's face when mentioning that, and Kurt felt his protective instincts surge to the surface. He didn't consider Rachel a friend anymore, and didn't expect to do so ever again, but they had been close once. If this new boyfriend of hers was as bad as Adam's expression seemed to hint at, then friendship didn't matter. At the very least he could make sure someone clued in her dads, surely?

Adam however had apparently wised up to how Kurt functioned – that, or his face was speaking for him – and hurried to inform him that Brody wasn't a bad guy per se, and not the kind to hit a girl or anything, just...

“I don't like to listen to rumors, but I've seen a few things on my own that collaborate, and well. Your, eh, Rachel isn't likely to be the only woman in his life, you know? I don't know about the rumors that he's professional, but. He's not exclusive.”

 _Professional? Oh!_ Kurt flushed. There was a wave of defensiveness rising inside, wanting to protect Rachel, even after everything. After a few moments it was crushed out though. Because if Rachel was showing that bad judgment? Well, maybe this time she'd learn from it. Maybe with no one else to take the hits for her, and protect her, and clean up her mess, Rachel Berry would finally grow up.

It would be to everyone's benefit – hers too – if that happened, and Kurt was willing to let her get a bit battered by life in order to ensure it did.

And if that made him cruel, or callous, well, she'd brought it upon herself, hadn't she?

Either way, hearing how Rachel acted towards the unpopular students, and the other nobodies – not to mention the Apples – washed away all Kurt's desire to help her. No. She was on her own, to sink or swim by her own actions. He was done saving her only to be stepped upon five seconds later.

It was a very interesting afternoon, which turned into an even more interesting evening. Adam invited him out along with a few of the Apples, for dinner and drinks and karaoke, and Kurt had more boys flirt with him in just a few hours than he'd had in his whole life – or rather, his life pre-Toronto. It was intoxicating, and if it had happened before May it could so easily have gone to his head.

Adam was one of those boys, even if he was by far the most discrete one, and the only one to cause an echo in Kurt. He was also the only one whose number – or rather email address – Kurt accepted.

It was so easy to see himself with this sunshine boy, imagine them going on dates and singing duets (which, regardless of everything, still was a huge part of his romantic dreams) and holding hands. Looking at Adam's mouth and those inviting lips he could easily imagine them doing more.

If he'd gone to NYADA in September. If. Maybe even if he went in January.

But Kurt wasn't so sure he would, and besides, there was still David. And that was the deal-breaker. He liked Adam, or rather what he'd seen of him in a few short hours, and found him very attractive. He could easily see himself in a relationship with him, and more importantly: being **happy** with him. But. David.

David, who was by now his best friend, and who held a place in his heart that was not so easily challenged.

Dating someone else would hurt David's feelings, no matter the fact that there was no way he'd actually come out and say so, and that was something Kurt wasn't willing to do. Especially not when it would hurt **Kurt's** feelings as well.

Chances were that even if Kurt decided to go to New York after New Years he'd still try and make things work with David – provided the other boy wanted to.

Adam was, in a way, something he could have had and that he would have been grateful to have. David on the other hand... David was something that he **wanted** to have. And so Kurt returned Adam's smiles, and sang cheesy karaoke with him, and made promises to email him – but nothing more. (And if he made sure Adam understood that part, instead of just leaving it unsaid? Well. Let it never be said that Kurt Hummel didn't learn from his mistakes.)

 

Coming back to Toronto felt good. The trip to New York had been interesting, and Kurt had a few purchases in his bag he was eager to try out, but it had also been exhausting. Walking around on edge, worrying that someone who knew him could be just around each corner, didn't exactly make for a relaxing vacation. He'd ended up making a last minute appointment for a massage just to have his shoulders back in place. A tense body was a danger when dancing, as it made it easier to get hurt. His body was his instrument, and Kurt would be damned if he risked his future because of silly nerves.

Visiting his dad helped him calm down though, and there had been an abundance of tears and hugs. Finn had made himself scarce, out of respect for Kurt's feelings, but had returned quickly when asked to.

Kurt was just as done keeping the people he cared about at arm's length as he was being walked on. Finn was his brother. They were going to spend the rest of their lives as family. Yes, Finn had messed up. But they were over that now, and besides, it wasn't as if Kurt hadn't also made his fair share of mistakes when it came to their relationship.

They were still family. They still loved each other. It was time they started living that way.

Next in line for Kurt's new resolve regarding keeping people at arm's length – or not, as they deserved – was David. Kurt was moving slowly, and carefully, but he **was** moving, finally. Oh, it wasn't anything big, and Kurt wasn't trying to make them into an instant couple. But. He was trying to prepare the ground, so to speak.

If nothing came of it, well. That was a development as well, was it not?

 

Most of Kurt's time and energy however went towards the theater. He was determined to prove himself, as well as learn, and to enjoy what he did. It had taken him only days to come to the conclusion that the stage was where he wanted to be, and now every move he made (professional moves, that was) was made to further that goal.

And it seemed as his hard work was paying off. He was getting more praise than ever before, and constructive criticism, and he could practically **feel** himself evolving. Kurt just hoped it was enough to convince Lucas to let him stay after New Years, when the internship was set to run out.

Because he'd thought things through, spent hours and hours debating back and forth with himself, and his dad. He'd used Finn as a sounding board, had tentatively spoken of it with David, and had hinted to Victoria that he was interested in staying both in Toronto and at the theater. The subject had even come up in one or two emails with Adam, but when it came to him Kurt had held back too many details for the Brit to be able to give any real advice.

Still. He thought he had a chance. He really, truly thought so.

Surely, sooner or later something had to truly “come up Kurt” so to speak, and why shouldn't that time be now?

 

_December 13 th – from Carmen Tibideaux's voice mail_

“Madame Tibideaux. This is Kurt Hummel, calling in regards to my possible attendance at NYADA. It is my pleasure to inform you that I have found a place more suited to my needs and my talents, and that I therefore won't be enrolling at your school come January.

“I wish you the best in the future, and when dealing with those students you do have. While I wish that things had turned out differently, I know that I have learned and grown from the situation, and I hope that the same is true for you.

“It is possible that we will meet in the future. If so, I think it could be interesting to talk.

“Good luck.”

 

_~ TBC ~_


	6. Chapter 6

 

Kurt rang in the New Year in his very first own apartment. Well, technically he rang it in at a dinner party at Victoria's place, but he woke up in his bed in his apartment and that's what he counted.

That was what he **wanted** to count. A new start, for a new year. Yes, he was building on last year's foundation, but still. It was the thought that mattered, surely.

He thought back to where he'd been the year before, and shook his head. It was hard to understand how he could have come so far, have changed so much – changed everything – and still be so happy. For someone who hadn't been able to mark off more than one single item on his bucket list from the year before Kurt was disgustingly pleased with himself.

He'd gotten out of Lima. That was it. That was the one thing he'd managed to do – and he hadn't even done it the “right” way.

The plan had been to go to New York, with Rachel and maybe Finn, and have a long-distance relationship with Blaine until the boy could join them. It had been NYADA, and college life, and close ties with his Lima friends.

Instead he wasn't speaking to most of the people involved. He never wanted to spend time with either Rachel and Blaine ever again, and probably not Tina either for that matter. While he still exchanged the occasional email with Mercedes Kurt hesitated to call what they had a friendship. It was the ghost of one, hanging on to what was and refusing to move on, and Kurt knew some day soon he'd have to do something about it.

He was just too content with the life he had to stir things up by making Mercedes mad. Because regardless of the fact that Kurt suspected she didn't get any more out of their current relationship than he did, he simply couldn't see her give up gracefully. Not now. And well, the possibility of him being wrong and the two of them actually mending thing between them was worth an hour or two each month.

Other relationships had blossomed instead.

Kurt talked to Lauren weekly, and had even made tentative plans to visit her during the spring – depending on both their schedules. Brittany sent him an email every now and again, along with videos chosen to amuse him, and Kurt always replied. It wasn't a deep friendship, no, but she made him smile without fail, and had proven herself reliable by not passing on the email address he used when writing to her. On a few occasions he'd even sent her videos of him dancing, and her critique was always kind and on the spot. Once Brittany had even set him right where no one else had managed.

It was a surprise, both girls were, but a good one.

Another surprise was Puck. Kurt had always known there was more to him than a brainless jock – or rather a potential for more – but seeing that come true was awe-inspiring. Puck had initially gone to LA, according to plan, but once Finn had chosen to stay in Washington and apply to college there Puck had packed up and joined him. Seeing the two in their tiny apartment, trying to make themselves into more than the Lima losers they too had been afraid of becoming was a treat.

And having Puck live with Finn had had a huge impact on Kurt's relationship with him as well. At first there had been messages passed on through Finn, but once the two were in the same city that had changed. Now it was just as likely for Kurt to sit and chat with Puck over Skype as it was for him to hang up and call back later if Finn wasn't available. They'd gotten to know each other for real, as people, and both of them liked what they saw.

(And if Kurt sometimes thought Puck liked Finn as more than a friend, well. It was nobody's business but theirs.)

It felt a bit strange not to have David across the room, but Kurt thought it could be a good change. The last thing he wanted was to become dependent on anyone, even someone he cared about as much as he did with David, and that meant that being on his own was a good thing. Besides. Kurt was not interested in becoming one of those clichés where someone moved from their parents' home straight in with their husband/wife, thank you very much.

He'd never lived alone, and while he hadn't been ready before, now he was. Having an apartment of his own allowed Kurt to figure out what he wanted, and what worked for him, and it was exhilarating. Between living in his very own home and having what amounted to a full-time job – even if it didn't pay like one – at the theater made Kurt feel like an actual grownup.

(Being able to pay the bills on his own would of course have made it even better, but since his dad was more than able to cover the cost after his re-election Kurt had no intention of letting pride stand in the way of his self-discovery.)

He soon settled into a good routine. Besides the 40-odd hours per week he spent at the theater Kurt kept up his dance classes and added a class at one of the local colleges. Maybe he wasn't ever going to go to college “for real”, but a class or three from the performing arts section couldn't hurt.

While he'd been worried that no longer living together would mean Kurt would see David less, luckily that didn't happen. Yes, they saw each other less often, simply because they no longer went to bed at opposite sides of the same room, but at the same time what time they did have was dedicated to each other.

The chemistry between them didn't lessen, and a month and a half after moving out Kurt made his move. Making plans with David for Valentine's felt like too much too soon, and it was a pressure he didn't want for either of them. Instead he had a small gift delivered – a box of butterscotch candies, with a card he'd ordered special on-line featuring a gorilla holding some balloons. It was, he thought, a nice nod towards David's efforts the year before and hopefully a loud enough hint that things had changed.

As it turned out, it wasn't quite loud enough. The kiss Kurt offered however was.

It was a gamble, the two of them together. They had history and lots of it ugly. But Kurt was tired of being careful. David had been in therapy for over two years, and that had changed him. The man he saw was nothing like the boy who had terrorized him so, and Kurt believed with all his heart that that scared boy would never come back again.

It wasn't fear of David that had made Kurt wait so long to make his move – more fear of himself. Kurt knew he was prone to remembering things for too long, to nursing a grudge, and that unless dealt with there was a chance he'd throw David's past behavior in his face when they'd unavoidably end up arguing. And so he too had taken the time to go see a therapist. It had only been a few meetings, not the regular contact that David had, but it had helped.

Worst case, they'd fight, and get help instead of tearing each other apart. Kurt was determined to have this relationship be healthy, which meant talking instead of singing, as David once had told him – but it also meant not holding on too hard. He'd done that with Blaine, held on beyond what was reasonable, and long beyond when the relationship should have been allowed to die, and maybe that was part of why they'd ended up the way they had.

It was not a mistake Kurt was going to make again.

 

Another new thing in Kurt's life was the semi-regular emails from Adam. The Brit was funny, smart, and everything anyone could wish for in a friend. (Or a boyfriend, for that matter, had things been different.)

Besides talking “shop” they found themselves sharing a love for British drama, something David could care less about.

Adam also had no problem sharing tales of Rachel Berry's continuing drama. Every time there was a new story Kurt felt a deep gratefulness that he'd chosen a different path. He just knew that had he gone to NYADA he would have been Rachel's choice of pack animal – metaphorically speaking.

It made him compare the life he lived to the one he'd been so insistent on having, and when he was done? The two were as different as day and night, and Kurt could not be happier with how things had turned out.

He had friends he could trust, a boyfriend who cared as much about what he could give Kurt as about what Kurt could give him, and a career in the making. He was learning and growing almost daily, and had a hard time seeing himself developing in the same way at a school. Oh, he was enrolled in a class at one of Toronto's prestigious performing arts schools, and he was learning from it. It just wasn't nearly as rewarding as his internship was.

There was, after all, a huge difference between being one of many students sharing a single teacher, and being one intern, being taught by everyone who felt they had something to teach. A school would never be able to replicate that, no matter how high the tuition.

And there was no diploma, regardless of how fancy and well known the school handing it out was, that would ever be able to compete with the plain piece of paper Lucas handed Kurt one day in late May.

“It's a bit early, I know, since the contract for your internship isn't up for another three months, but I thought it would be fitting to give you this today. Congratulations, Kurt, and happy birthday.”

Kurt took the papers offered, intending to just eye them through for now, but instead ended up looking at Lucas with large eyes. Then he returned to stare at the paperwork in his hand for what felt like an eternity before looking back up again.

“This is a contract. An actual contract. You're offering me a real job?”

“Yes. You have amazing potential, Kurt, and we've all seen how hard you're willing to work. Given the right direction I – and everyone else here – think you can go almost anywhere, and we would be happy to help you with that. For now, all I can offer you is chorus, but if you continue the way you've started that's not going to be true for long.

“So, what do you say? Are you interested on coming on board officially?”

Kurt kept staring at Lucas for a while, then at the papers, then back at Lucas. Then he promptly pinched himself.

Lucas's lips curled as he held back a laugh.

“Believe me now? You know, there really is no reason for you to be so surprised. You're a very talented, extremely hardworking young man, who has earned every bit of respect and recognition he's gotten. Surely that being rewarded should not be so strange?”

“Well, it never gave me anything before,” Kurt muttered, and then blushed. “Sorry, I didn't mean to come off as bitter. It's just–”

“It's just you were stuck in a small town, with small minds, and you were too different for them to comprehend? I understand. Adjusting takes time,” Lucas said with understanding written all over his face.

“But right now you're somewhere bigger, in every way, where you being different is something good. No one here is going to stand in your way, Kurt. The only question is, are **you**?”

And that was a good question, wasn't it? Kurt could see what Lucas was saying, and the man was right. Right there and then Kurt was being offered basically everything he wanted – or at least the beginning of it – and it was up to him to accept or not.

It was quite possibly one of the scariest moments in his life.

Up until then he had been able to hide behind prejudice, and blame someone else for not making it – and rightfully so. There had been parents laughing at him in ballet class, Mr Schue's prejudice keeping him from getting solos, Rachel lying to sabotage his college application, coach Beiste not being able to look beyond his sexuality to see his talent...

There had always been **something**. And now, for the first time in his life, there was nothing stopping Kurt. Nothing except himself. The question was if he was going to let that happen or not.

“It would be my pleasure to accept this generous offer. Thank you so much. This means a lot to me.”

That evening Kurt served champagne with his birthday dinner.

 

Being a regular employee instead of an intern was both harder and easier. It was easier because Kurt no longer feared he'd be deemed not good enough, but at the same time harder as he found himself working longer hours and training more than ever before. With the additional strain of keeping up with his one class and working on what he hoped would one day become a musical it was more of a struggle that Kurt could have imagined. (And that was without trying to also maintain a healthy relationship.)

The pressure was enormous, and he could easily see how someone could crack.

But not Kurt. He loved every second of it. Having the kind of support he did made it easier for him, and soon enough he adjusted and **thrived**.

Come January Kurt started training as a swing, and in February he took the stage with actual lines for the first time. When he spotted his dad in the audience, seated next to David... Holding back the tears was hard.

(Later Kurt would claim that was the first sign of him becoming a professional – that he hadn't cried until he'd left the stage.)

 

_~ To Be Concluded ~_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee, nor would I care to with the way the show and the characters were ruined.

 

Kurt looked around and smiled at the sight that met him. The foyer was practically packed, and every single face he could see looked eager. Once he would have taken that for a given, seeing as this was an audition for a Broadway play, but he'd learned differently since.

This time however, everyone was buzzing with excitement. It felt like a good sign, and soothed some of Kurt's worries. This was after all **his** baby. The concept for the show was all his, and a good portion of the lyrics as well. Yes, it had gotten good reviews in Toronto, and had obviously been considered good enough to be picked up for a stint at Broadway. That didn't change anything.

His dad had pointed out that the way Kurt was feeling now sounded like how Burt himself had felt when Kurt had decided to leave the country, and Kurt had apologized profoundly for what his younger self had unknowingly put his family through. He hadn't regretted a minute of it, just. He understood now.

Smiling softly Kurt moved carefully among the hopefuls to try and listen to them talk. He'd learned that you could learn a lot about people from the way they acted around those they considered peers or lower than them.

 

Halfway across the room he stopped, barely believing his eyes. Standing not ten feet from him was Rachel Berry. And to make things even worse, next to her was Blaine. Kurt's first impulse was to call security and have them thrown out.

Instead he moved towards them, silently, and placed himself just right for eavesdropping. They were in the middle of an argument, but it was easy to pick up the thread. Rachel was auditioning for chorus, while Blaine thought she should aim higher. He, of course, was only auditioning for the most prominent roles.

“Listen to me, Blaine. Don't you think I'd rather have a large role? But right now I can't afford to think like that. I graduate NYADA in less than a month, and I need this. Fighting for the lead is risky – chorus is a safer bet, and right now I need a paying job more than I need status.”

“But Rachel–”

“No. You don't get it, okay, because you have another year. I don't. My rent's been paid through August, but after that I'm on my own. **I need a job**.” _Unlike you_ echoed unsaid, and Kurt held back a sigh. Somethings, it seemed, never would change. Blaine never had gotten the crass reality of having to fend for yourself.

Rachel, on the other hand, sounded like she was beginning to get it, and Kurt found himself pleasantly surprised. Through Adam and his Apples Kurt had gotten a few choice tidbits regarding the antics of Miss Berry, but those had stopped after her second year. They hadn't been encouraging, but from the sounds of it something had changed.

He was just about to walk on when Rachel spotted him, and called out his name in a shaky voice.

“Kurt?”

As she continued to stare at him with equal parts non-belief and shock, and Blaine joined her, Kurt sighed and gave in.

“Hello. Here to audition, I suppose?”

Blaine puffed up and started talking about how perfect he would be for a number of parts – all of them, Kurt noticed, way out of Blaine's league. He didn't say anything, choosing instead to look at Rachel.

“Yes. I graduate this spring, and well. I think I would do a good job in the chorus.”

She stood with her back ramrod straight, and her chin up, looking defiantly back at him. Maybe she thought he would try to tear her down, for old time's sake, or that he would act like Blaine. Or, Kurt realized, she was bracing herself for round two of Blaine knows best. Well. He certainly wasn't there for that – for either of it, honestly.

“I think that's a sound approach. There's nothing wrong with being chorus, in fact you can learn a lot from it. Not to mention that if the PTB's think you're doing a good job in chorus that can totally work to your advantage.

“It's smart of you not to overreach at this point. This is a demanding musical, for everyone, and the choreography is killer at some points. You can do it, if you work hard and listen to direction, but chorus allows you a little more leeway.”

It was obvious that his analysis wasn't exactly what Rachel had hoped for, but she tried hard to take it like the pro she wanted to be. Kurt was a little impressed, despite himself.

Of course, Blaine wasn't going to let them leave him out of the conversation, regardless of the fact that it had nothing to do with him. _Sooo, pretty much as usual, then._

He was red in the face and gestured wildly as he spat out nonsense about Rachel's choices, Kurt's qualifications for giving advice, and well, Kurt's everything. While an embarrassed Rachel tried to make him stop, Kurt just looked at him like he was a particularly boring lab specimen.

It had always been best to let Blaine run out of steam before trying to deal with him, or leave, and it wasn't as if anything he had to say would have an impact on Kurt. Not any more.

“And you're saying this, what, out of the kindness of your heart? I'm sure it has **nothing** to do with you auditioning, now does it.”

Blaine sounded so patronizing, and Kurt wondered when he'd gotten that good at it. Or maybe he'd always sounded like that, and Kurt had just missed it. Either way he wasn't going to stand for it any longer.

“First of all, 'out of the kindness of my heart'? Oh Blaine, are you truly that naïve that you think there's **any** kindness in my heart for the two of you? Because there's not, nor anything else, for that matter.

“Second, what would me auditioning have anything to do with **Rachel**? I'm not, by the way,” and he saw a glimmer of something – relief – in Blaine's eyes, “but if I was, then I still wouldn't be competing against her. I enjoy singing songs by female artists, sure, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm a man, and any part I audition for is going to reflect that.

“Now, you on the other hand, **you** I could be considered going up against for a part. Only I don't actually consider you competition. By the time I left you were showing serious signs of vocal damage, and your range was shrinking instead of increasing. Also, you were showing exactly zero improvement when it came to dancing.”

To his amusement Kurt saw that Blaine's face was almost purple now, and if he'd still cared he would have worried about Blaine bursting a blood-vessel in his brain. As it was he just kept talking, voice cool and detached.

“Maybe you've spent the last four years working on that, I don't know. I don't really care, to be honest, because in the end, what I **do** know? It's this: the people in there, the ones in charge of casting? They don't want to work with your kind.

“And before you actually give yourself an aneurysm or try to twist that around, I'm talking about your sense of ethics. No one wants to subject themselves and their project to that.

“Me, however? Me they **do** want to work with. The reason I'm not auditioning is that I don't need to. I'm already under contract.”

Kurt knew his voice was colored by pride, but he didn't care. He had every reason to feel that way. He was only 22 years old, and he was about to make his Broadway debut – twice over even. **And** he'd made it without a fancy school, and without people rearranging everything to accommodate him.

Yes, he'd been given help, and lots of it, but most of that had been because of his talent. He'd made it the rest of the way on his own, and he'd worked hard for everything he had. Without that there was no way he'd have a contract for the production.

Yes, he had originated the part, and yes, he was one of the show's writers, but neither of that would have guaranteed him a spot. It was his talent, his hard work, and his dedication that had made the producers decide to offer him a contract when picking up the show for Broadway.

Kurt Hummel was finally being seen as the star he was meant to be.

He threw one last look at his ex, relishing in the impotent fury he saw, and noting how little Blaine's looks (or Blaine's anything really) did for him now. And then he closed the door on that part of his life for good.

“Well, as interesting as this has been, I have somewhere else to be. Rachel,” he nodded, and walked away.

He could hear sputtering behind him, but didn't care. As the angry sounds petered out they were replaced by quickly approaching footsteps. Kurt sighed, and begged the universe to have it be anyone but Blaine. **Anyone**.

“Kurt?”

 _Thank god it's Rachel._ And to think that felt really, really weird.

“Yes?”

“You really got a part in the show? In a Broadway production?” Kurt felt his hackles rise, but before he could snap Rachel continued.

“I'm really happy for you. You deserve it. And not that I think you want or need to hear this, but you deserve an apology as well. What I did to you, it was so wrong. I get that now. I don't expect you to forgive me, or believe me, but still. I'm trying to be a better person now.”

Which, maybe she was, and maybe she was just trying to curry favor. Either way she was right about one thing: Kurt wasn't going to forgive her.

“And... I know I don't deserve to know, but please, Finn? Is he okay?”

Ah. Kurt looked at her, trying to decide what to believe and what – if anything – to tell her. Finally he nodded.

“He's fine. He's beyond okay – in fact, I don't think I've ever seen him this happy. He's in school, and he's doing great. I really think he's found his thing. And, ehm, he's dating someone, someone who loves and respects him the way he deserves. The way he's never had before.”

“I did that!”

“Rachel, no. You loved Finn, yes, I don't doubt that. But you didn't respect him. Not really. Look at everything you did, the cheating, the lies, the manipulation... Look at what you did to me, a member of Finn's family. Do you really think trying to ruin his brother showed respect?”

As far as Kurt was concerned it didn't exactly show love either, but that was him. Rachel was...well, Rachel. He wasn't going to trash her anymore – he didn't need to. Her pale face, wet eyes and shaking hands told him she'd had quite enough as it was. Besides, he thought she would probably be worse on herself than he could stomach being.

Strange. Once he would have relished in this chance to tear her down, to give her some of her own medicine. It was, he suspected, a sign of how far he'd come and how much he'd grown.

“I see. Thank you for telling me. I guess there's someone in your life as well? You're engaged?”

Kurt looked down at his hand, at the still shiny ring, and smiled. He was nowhere near getting over that thrill.

“Married, actually. But Rachel, I need to go. Auditions are about to start, and I don't want to miss anything. Break a leg, I guess.”

He began to turn, hesitated, and faced her again.

“Rachel? One last piece of advice, from someone who used to love you. Be careful about Blaine. I don't know how close the two of you are today, but he's a bit more comfortable stabbing people in the back than you might think.

“He knows about what you and Mr Schue did.” Kurt saw Rachel's color turn into a sickly pale with red splotches, and could practically taste the shame coming from her. “He overheard you talk to Carmen, and instead of interrupting or setting her straight, or at the very **least** tell me what was going on, he decided to take advantage.

“Blaine claimed to love me. And he still had no problem whatsoever sacrificing my dream. He threw me to the wolves, so to speak, because it suited his purposes. If he was willing to do that to me, after repeatedly telling me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, then what do you think he would do to you?”

He didn't wait for an answer, instead choosing to just walk away, absentmindedly thumbing his ring for comfort. Maybe it was a bit crazy, getting married at his age, but it had felt right. David and he had been together for three years, and had built a strong foundation as friends first. They had a healthy relationship, and while Kurt couldn't swear on forever, he wanted that. It was a risk, sure, but what relationship wasn't?

And unlike some others, David had proven himself worth the second chance Kurt had given him – and more.

And speaking of second chances, and being worthy... Seeing Rachel and Blaine had really brought home how much things had changed since the last time he'd seen them, and more importantly how much he himself had changed.

He had been alone. He had been in the dark. And he had been scared. But being alone had taught Kurt to stand on his own, and who was worth his trust. Being in the dark had taught him to find his way, and to appreciate the light. Being scared had taught him to be brave.

And now, now he was neither of those things.

Kurt Hummel lived a life full of light, on and off stage, and had someone at his side. He was happy, and in a way he never would have envisioned.

As he walked through the doors he found himself humming an old familiar tune.

 

_This time, boys, I'm taking the bows and_

_Everything's coming up Kurt_

 

_**~ The End ~** _

_**(Yes, really)** _


End file.
